Not Feeling Festive

It is currently the 23rd December - Christmas Eve Eve. It's Christmas in two days, and preparation is in full swing. The kitchen is crammed full of food and drink, so much so on opening the cupboard door earlier a bottle of vodka fell out and smacked me in the face. All clear signs that that day is nearly here.

But this year I'm really not feeling it. Maybe it's the fact I'm getting older, and didn't even really ask for anything this year. Right now, the only thing I really want for the holidays can't be bought. Maybe there wasn't as much coverage about it on the TV and radio, or that I only went Christmas shopping once and it was a horrific experience (nearly suffocating in Primark because of the hundreds of people throwing pyjamas, fluffy socks and £1 rolls of wrapping paper into shopping bags as last minute presents). I'm also working on Christmas Day. I'm a waitress, and I've come to realise that it's unlikely that even on Christmas Day customers aren't going to give me a hard time.

So I decided to try and reflect on why I celebrate Christmas. It's strange really, I'm not even religious, so technically I shouldn't be. But in reality, Christmas is a great time to spend time with family and friends. It's when we all come together and exchange gifts and good wishes. I've decided now that I don't need cheesy Christmas songs and decorations to put me in a festive mood, I just need those that I love the most.

Merry Christmas everyone.
Ruby xx

Ill and Tired

December is upon us. Today is the 1st, and today is also the day I have woken up feeling absolutely awful. I know it's the season of sickness but I really am not enjoying not being able to breathe through my nose, a throat full of razor blades and feeling like I am going to throw up every time I swallow. None of these combine to form a great night's sleep either, so I am feeling a little worse for wear today. Being someone who seems to have the same misfortune in falling ill every single year, I have a few ways in which to make myself feel slightly better.

For a sore throat:

• Honey. I don't know the science behind it, but honey is an amazing natural soother for a sore throat. Even just swallowing spoonfuls will ease the pain.
• Soothers. I find the effects of these don't last long but they are handy to have for a quick fix during the day.
• Avoid foods that will scratch your throat such as crisps, these will just make it more inflamed.
• I am addicted to orange juice, but citrus is a huge no for a sore throat, it will just irritate it more.

For a blocked nose:

• Sudafed! This medicine will make you breathe again. I cannot praise it enough.
• Steam. Have a hot shower or bath, and this will instantly ease your sinus and nasal passages (as well as instantly making you feel better too).
• Nasal spray/vicks. These sprays and vapours may smell slightly disgusting but they clear your nose so well.

For tiredness:

• Being ill makes sleeping even harder than usual. Make sure you take appropriate amounts of medicine before bed to ensure you aren't kept awake.
• Sleep slightly propped upright by pillows if you still can't breathe properly.
• Keep water by your bed. It is so important to stay hydrated, especially when ill.
• Drink a herbal tea to help you sleep: I swear by the Twinings chamomile and spiced apple.

Yes I have hole punched my Sudafed box. I'm not entirely sure why.

I am no doctor, and these tips may not help you at all. But if you feel as ill and disgusting as I do this December, I hope it made you realise you're not alone! And remember, this is an unfortunate period but it will pass. And if you're not ill, I really hope you are appreciating the ability to breathe freely right now.

Introverts and Extroverts

Lots of people commonly associate the words "introverted" and "extroverted" with either shy or outgoing. I definitely did for a long time, and would class myself as an introvert. But when I actually looked at it I discovered the real meaning is quite different. An introvert is someone who gains their energy from time on their own, and they tend to turn inward mentally. In contrast, an extrovert is someone who feels more energised by spending time with other people. They recharge by being social.

After thinking about it for a bit, I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, an extrovert. Being alone for too long completely drains me. So then why did I think of myself an introvert? Simply because I am shy. Talking to new people is something I struggle with, and I feel extremely uncomfortable in situations where I don't know many people around me. I gain my energy by being around people that make me feel comfortable, but I will never be the kind of person who can perfectly blend in to unfamiliar surroundings.

There is nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted. It's just how you and your mind work. In fact, it's actually really cool that different people respond so differently to the same situation. It's just a constant reminder of how unique every single person is! I think that's amazing. For me, recognising I am a shy extrovert really helped me in situations where I felt uncomfortable. I thought it would make me happier if I tried to shield myself from seeing people or being in social situations, because that's how shy people function right? Not always. Getting past the initial shyness and unsettled feelings will always be a battle for me, but I found after I realised I really do function better around people I started making more efforts to see people and socialise. It was hard at first, but I do believe I am happier now. Similarly, if you are an introvert, don't force yourself to do things you know will stress you out and just won't benefit you; you're not alone! Some things just aren't for some people.

Always remember to make decisions that will make you happy; it's fine to think about yourself first sometimes.

Autumnal Sunday Walks

Today, I felt like I really needed to clear my head. There seems to be so much going on at the moment! The stress took over, and so I set off to the woods by my house. It was such a nice day, it was sunny but cold enough to have to wrap up, and everything looked so autumnal and beautiful. I finally felt like I could breathe, and I forgot about everything that's been stressing me out recently, and I realised how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful part of the world. I always complain about where I live because there isn't even a train station, but really, it's not all bad.

A Reflection of October

I'm about 8 days late to write this, but I feel like I should, because a lot has happened in October. I've felt a lot of emotions and learned a lot. One thing that impacted me this month was the release of Taylor Swift's 5th studio album 1989. There's been a lot of hype around this album, and in my opinion, it's worth all of it. That album didn't sell over a million copies in it's first week for no reason. "New Romantics" is a personal favourite to dance to, but I did have a little sob at "You R In Love". As usual it's as if I'd told Taylor all my problems and secrets and turned them into songs. Not only did it affect my bus journey every day by giving me something new and decent to listen to, it made me think about how Taylor's style has changed over the years. Her music is completely different now. She's gone from a heartbroken young girl with long ringlets and an acoustic guitar to a strong, confident lady with a chic bob and a diamante microphone. Yet somehow, she's managed to keep the same heartfelt messages in every song she writes. The vulnerability in her lyrics is what drew me to her in the first place, and I am so glad she's never lost it. It got me thinking about how I've changed. I'm a different person to who I was 5 years ago, 3 years ago and even a year ago. But I'm still me, I just express me in different ways now.

College work has really stressed me out this month. I find myself thinking every day, "can I really make it through two years of this? Am I good enough?" and I am trying to train myself believe that yes, I can. We all go through hard times but I know I can do it, I've just got to keep going. It's easier said than done but I am tired of not believing in myself.

Lots of new people have come into my life recently, and I've found myself in a very difficult position with some of them. I feel like I have to make a choice between people, and the only way I can do that is to follow my heart. I know that is soooooooo cheesy but I honestly believe that is the best way to make decisions! 

Thank you October, you've made me think this month. I have a feeling it's about to get even harder.

Ambition (And Not Having Any)

They are some of the most common questions asked in beauty pageants, job interviews, even just casual conversation.

"What is your ambition?"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"What are your plans for the future?"

They're usually used as simple and friendly questions, usually just because they are a good conversation starter. But if you're anything like me, they also kind of fill you with dread, because you might have absolutely zero ambition or plans for anything. How do I tell this person about my lame, half-hearted plans for the future? How am I supposed to think that far ahead when I can't even decide what to wear this weekend? But in reality, although I have no well thought out career plan, I do have an idea of what I want in the future. The honest answer to this is simple. I want to be happy. You might be reading this and thinking that isn't allowed. That is not an acceptable answer. No one ever considers that a legitimate answer. And if that is the case, then why not? Just because you have been told throughout your life that the key to happiness lies in your profession, that doesn't make it true. True, for the majority of people happiness will come from career success. But honestly, all I have ever wanted is a loving family. That is my plan for the future. My ambition is to be happy, and perhaps on the way I will find a job I love too.

I know full well of the pressure in school and college about making all these big decisions about your life so early on, and how much it made me panic. Stick to what you truly love, because your feelings and circumstances always change, and you might find yourself hating the career you have set out to follow, just because it seemed like a good route to go down. So if your ambitions seem to be different from everyone else, and not as sincere or genuine do not worry about it. Remember what is the most important in your life.

Love, Ruby x